Red light or Green light???

i don't know where to start really. usually, i'd send emails at this time. however, at this wonderful morning, damn clear bright blue warm sky, i'm feeling awful. so, i decided not to email anyone today, but spill my gutted twisted hormonal-affected intoxicated churning tormenting rolling feelings into my blog.

a deary friend visited my husband n i yesterday. a friend from uni-days. maybe i miss him. maybe when the friend came, he brought speckles of dust from homeland, which spreaded into every corner of the house and the next thing i know, i'm feeling homesick now, am I? Queer insanity!!!

I was also telling my husband yesterday about the UUUUUUrge in me to enrol in Advance Diploma Montessori course because it's only available here or Europe or America, but not in Malaysia. i'm afraid i might lose the opportunity to complete it. not that i will need this qualification when i return home, but the thing is nobody knows what the future will be like. there might be colleges offering course for Advance Dip and they need qualified lecturers who r trained in the primary school level, whom they might need to import from other countries. so, i could be the rare pioneer group of senior staff in malaysia, who also has a qualification from uk.
when i first took the Dip montessori course in Summit International College, it was out of love and commitment and sincere intention to pursue a career that i really like. never once did it cross my mind whether i'll use my qualification in any Montessori school . my priority is to able to apply the knowledge that i've obtained throughtout the course in any school or kindergarten. i never plan to use Dip Montessori as the only mean to find a job promptly (i got a job offer in the 3rd week i was in london.)
i hav the money to pursue the Adv Dip Montessori here. my only concern is am i willing to sacrifice my time, energy and mental stability to face the stress and workload the course brings with it, right here in london?(i will hav to work full time to afford this.) if i hav to do the course at home, that's different; but i'm here for a shortwhile, i don't want to spend miserable moments here, i want to have and do wonderful things. i don't think i want the abundant load of a course to jeopardize my enjoyable time here. i'm afraid i can't handle that!!

at the end of this blog, i'm still looking for a sign to show me the green light, or the red light?